Lead a Good Life

Daily hints and tips to enhance your life

5 Ways To Move On With Your Life

Ever experience fatal mistake for once in your lifetime? So tremendous and caused many damages? Felt like there’s no cure and nothing we can do to amend it? The fact is, you are not alone. Everybody messed up big time at least once in their life. Think about one of these examples. Perhaps it rings a bell.

  1. Drug and/or booze addicts
  2. Money laundry
  3. Cheating on spouse
  4. Public lies
  5. Murder
  6. Burglary
  7. HIV infected from free sex or drug needle
  8. Misconduct in workplace, demotion
  9. Being laid off out of no reason
  10. Hit someone with your vehicle
  11. (The case could add up infinitely as different people has different encounter)

Usually, people messed up because of poor character. Because people choose to compromise over than to show their true character. Chances are, people with stronger character, provided they have a positive values, won’t mess up so easily. It is always a good investment to work on your character.

So, it’s done. Now what? There’s nothing we can do to change it, no matter how much time or resource we take to remorse or to amend them. This is something, that even many times have been said, that “we will never be able to change the past”. Forget those sci-fi movies with time machine and time traveler in them. Chances are those will be unlikely to happen in centuries ahead.

If we can not change the past, then the wisest thing to do is to ‘forget’ it. Each time after a huge disaster, there’s always an aftermath and mostly this is the painful part. We deal with our losses, with our loved one’s losses and it hurt, very bad. The 9/11 tragedy in NYC, the Aceh tsunami, onto the latest Mumbai attack. These left wounds. Wounds to be dealt with.

How can we forget such tragedy? Usually, time heals everything. Human has this very unique traits of slowly letting things go as time goes by. It doesn’t, however, cure the wound completely. But it will get better if given some time.

Here are few tips so we can overcome the feeling quicker and get on with our life.

1. Be Positive.

To the universe, we are only a particle of a dust. So if you think, you have a BIG problem. Think again. Try to think this way. Pull yourself away from your complicated thoughts and see if this is what you called a big problem. Other people might have had worse ones. So, instead, count yourself lucky. Only by being positive thinking, you can actually see there are lights at the end of tunnel and that this is not the end of the world.

2. Embrace Your Current Condition.

I know that you probably still haven’t accept your current condition. You don’t accept yourself being sacked unfairly, being robbed, being cheated, or diagnosed with deadly disease. But hey, this is a world where everyday people run forward. And they won’t stop even if they know your condition. This is the world where the fast outran the slow. The strong take out the weak. So unless you stop regretting what you shouldn’t have done or feeling so bad of mis-treated by someone and start to accept that this is your ACTUAL condition, you will never be able to move on. A book by Jim Collins “Good to Great” has revealed on a “Stockdale Paradox” whose held captive as Viet Cong prisoner in Vietnam war and he managed to survive because he (1) accepted that he was indeed a prisoner, living prisoner’s life, with no guarantee getting out from there alive, but at the same time he also (2) believed that one day, he will be out from there and reunite with his families.

3. Start Get Your Life Back.

When was your last time before the tragedy; hang out with your friends, went out to the bar, catch a movie, go skiing, eating out with your spouse, go bungee jumping ?(if this is what it takes of course). Anything that could get your lifeline going. You need sparks to light up your life. If you think you have been sitting too long, then you probably are correct. So stand up, make a plan on what to do this weekend, do it, and have fun with it.

4. Forgive Them, No Matter How Hard.

This is to some people probably the hardest part, especially when you are the victims. However hard though, forgiveness is needed in order to accept your current situation. Forgiving is not and never about losing. If you let things go and forgive those who has betrayed or treated you bad, you will be much more relaxed and you will have no chance of being the person you once hate. This is of course very possible because you have minimized the chance of retaliation to zero. If you think you can’t look them in the eyes and forgive them, then don’t force it. Give it sometime. Forgiveness is meant to be sincere. It has to be done and it has to be sincere. That simple.

5. There’s Always Reason Behind Everything.

Yes there is always a positive reason behind every tragedy. Unfortunately, we can only guess what it will be and will never know until we get it in the future. We can only connect them backward, not forward. Each of us has a noble role in this world, from the day we’re born. So this is our responsibility for God, our loved ones, and the society we live in.

December 1, 2008 Posted by | Change Management, Discipline, Intra Personal Skill, Life Purpose, Self Confidence, Self Improvement, Stress Management | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

3 Basic Concepts To Make Change Happen

“People can’t live with change if there’s not a changeless core inside them. The key to the ability to change is a senseless of who you are, what you are about and what you value” – Stephen Covey.

This is a sequel to the first post about change management article “People CAN Change“. The different thing is, what I’m about to share is the practical concept of allowing positive change to happen within ourselves.

Change is always hard. It is not easy, or else there won’t be any theories about change management. But change is very important. I can’t stress this enough. Shake your comfort zone, because it sucks you down slowly like a quicksand.
Here’s simple equation about input and output:
“What you think, determines your action. What you do determines your habit. Your habit determines your attitude. Your attitude will form your character. And your character is the only thing that determines your reputation”
I really don’t think the old statement “Change your habit, then you change your destiny” is entirely correct. It isn’t wrong, but not 100% correct. Because the basic in what our habit is our thinking, or in other word, our values. However, I’m open to an argument if there’s any
How do you form your values?
1. Parents and/or Mentor’s Point of View
Part of what we believe now is actually inherited from our parents. Without you even realize, how they taught us to eat, walk, play, and behave slowly form us into what we were. And generally, parents are role models for their children, so what they do can indirectly influence you as well.
2. Social Environment
If you are born as an eagle, but you grow and live with ducks since the beginning, then you are a duck indeed. Because you are what you think. So choose your friends and partners carefully. Many people make this mistake because they are too late to realize.
3. Needs
I will refer to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, which points out that there are 5 level of needs of human. Starting from the lowest needs is the “Physiological” consist of basic human needs like food, water, and shelters. Up until the highest level is the “Self-actualization” that defines morality, creativity, spontaneity, etc. Being in one particular level in for a long period of time will also define our values.
I think we also have to agree that somehow values do not represents anything good or bad. It is a word to describe whatever we stood by. But there is good and bad values as to say there’s good and bad thinking. Perform the input-output equation above and I bet you know where you’re heading.
As hard as it is to change what our believes are, there’s still lights at the end of the tunnel. Here are 3 tips we have to CONSTANTLY remember. I stressed the word CONSTANTLY because this is like “reprogramming” yourself.
1. START FROM OURSELF
If we want to step into a new higher level, stop making excuses, blame others or the situation, instead, look inside and get insights, realize your potential, overcome your doubts and laziness. It is ourselves to blame for whatever bad thing we have now. Unless we accept that, change will never happen.
2. START FROM SOMETHING SMALL
This is also very fundamental in change management. Small things have small impacts, correct? So, why bother about small changes? Why can’t just focus on a big bang initiatives?
If you want to change, you have to “love” the process first. In order to love the process, you must not be frustrated by your attempts because it is just to hard to handle. This will do nothing but kill your inner motivation.
Choose from what you can afford to do to change, and then commit to it. After you succeed your first attempt, get used to it, and start to mount more loads in each attempt.
3. START NOW
Yes, now is the perfect time to start. After you make a good plan on what basic thinking and habits that you must change, do it now. We live in the present and present is the only moment that carved our future. The past is history and if you still carry it on your back, you will never be motivated to change the present.
Image by Dappers

November 3, 2008 Posted by | Change Management, Intra Personal Skill, Self Improvement | , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment